Let me explain what has happened, one of the reasons why I made a blog was for me to be able to express myself both artistically and verbally…and well now I will be expressing my deepest feeling with the topic surrounding toxic friendships.
I’ve been holding onto this grudge for a month now and it’s gotten to the point where I am frustrated about how heartless a person can be with another person. I am probably being a bit dramatic but it feels like this. You know when you thought you trusted someone in a physical and mental state? You supported them and you believed in everything they did but then it comes to that they never cared at all and are faking it to get something out of you. It’s in that moment when I began to realize that the relationship I am holding with this person isn’t healthy at all. It’s toxic! So I packed up my belongings (not realistically lol) and left them. Nobody deserves to feel used in any situation and feels like complete crap when the other person makes it seem like it’s your fault.
Now, I usually am not an angry person when it comes to certain situations if I ever get in that level of frustration I usually just leave them since I am just done with them haha. But this is something different, this is from people who I thought cared about me and I cared for them the same level as I do with all my friends. But they were like “lol you aren’t listening to what I am forcing you to do so you mean nothing to me now, bye!”
I guess this is a short story time now haha so if you are curious to what happened here is the story about him. No names or locations or anything like that will be stated since I don’t want any more trouble. But this is the gist of it, during my freshman year of college I made a friend and let’s call him the letter H for him haha. So pretty much H made me feel comfortable around him like he told me his story and I told him mine, it was a nice friendship we had. We learned more about each other and he then began to make me join his club, and this club made me feel so uncomfortable, to begin with. The people there made it seem like a sketchy place, they all acted really fake friendly to me and made me waste hours with them to study with them and talk about religion. At first, I was like umm okay? I mean H was a nice guy so I was okay lets do this, but then recently it started to get more sketchy….kinda like a certain religion where they wanted us to commit to their club more and learn more about religion to the point when they wanted me to live with them and I WAS LIKE OKAY HOLD UP! I immediately stopped going because this is some weird club! Is it even allowed on campus?!! Anyways, I left them and blocked every single number from them because I was afraid they were going to do something weird. So the thing was I soon later found more about it was that H’s job was to get people to join the club in order for him to get paid more and recognition from his position….he faked his relationship with me to make me join his club…. WHY ME?!
He started texting me and was blaming me on why I wasn’t committed and how I don’t deserve going there anymore and I was “okay…..LEAVE ME ALONE!” I blocked his number because I thought he was my friend but instead I was just being used for him to earn a living off of me and others he made to join that “club.” Well, I certainly learned my lesson so I will spread it to you guys now… please be careful about who your friends are I hope this doesn’t happen to you and if you ever get in this situation or any other where they begin to talk bad about you because of who you are and just use you then I wish you the best to get out of that toxic relationship as soon as possible.
At the moment I am not sure how everything is doing since I left that place but just thank goodness I am not involved there anymore. That was my mini story but being involved in a toxic relationship whether it being a friend or a lover is disheartening. I feel sad for him, because how can someone live knowing they do stuff like that?! But it has been time for me to forgive and forget. Life isn’t about holding grudges but instead enjoying the smell of flowers~ I can’t give good advice on how to deal with toxic relationships since I am still dealing with them as well. But when the time is right I will hopefully spread some awareness onto you, and we can both grow together. I guess this was my first rant about night talk…and I want to make this into a series when I don’t have the main topic but instead, talk about everything that’s bugging me in life to make myself and others feel like they aren’t alone.
That shall be all!~
Thank you for reading and I wish you a very wonderful sleep or day~
Till next time,
(p.s I will post something positive next time, I promise haha)